Homer: Obituary #2150

[chuxton]

I was killed in Britain again. At the time, I was again in the process of endangering the public welfare. This time, it wasn’t my fault. Exactly. You see, I was mining out in the cemetery. I know, mining in a cemetery can be a nasty business, if you aren’t careful. It, was, but not in the way one might expect. I’m getting back into the swing of mining pretty good- almost up to my old efficiency. Of course, being good at anything around here can attract unwanted attention. This time, it was a granite elemental. Now, those guys are tough, but I used to be pretty good at handling them, as I can recall. Not yesterday. There were extenuating circumstances. Up until the GE turned up, things were pretty quiet in the place, just as cemeteries should be. From time to time, the residents got restless, but a couple of whacks from the old ax reminded them of why they usually stayed quiet. Right while I was taking a beating from rocky, though, they decided to launch some kind of grand revolution. There were suddenly about three times the normal undead and they seemed to be popping up in a continuous wave. Now, I am practically undead myself, so I usually don’t mind that sort of thing. When I’m fighting a granite elemental, I do not need 4 bone knights whacking at my backside.
I decided to absent myself from the immediate vicinity and ponder things out a bit. Easier said than done. I had to shove my way through a veritable thundering herd of ghosts, zombies and animated bones. Somehow, I got out of the cemetery alive, but that granite elemental was right on my heels, chipping away at my crust. I fled past the healer and got some flying first aid, but I could not shake off the elemental and the dozen or so undead who were taking unfair advantage of my incapacity. I kept circling, picking up help from the healer with each pass, but suddenly, he wasn’t there any more. I decided it was time to swallow my pride and get some help from the town guards. Just as I rounded the corner of the bank and spotted a guard up the street, I was overcome with exhaustion. I could not take another step.
I waved at the guard to summon him. He waved back and nodded in his normal “’mornin’ Homer” manner. The giant boulder crushing my head with stone fists escaped his notice for several moments. I died at just about the same time he identified that there was a crime in progress. It took him quite a while to subdue the intruder, but he finally did. After I found a healer and went back for my things, he wrote me a citation for endangering the public safety, disturbing the peace, loitering outside the bank, and littering. I managed to talk him out of the littering charge by pointing out that granite, in its own very slow way, is biodegradable. The count, for those of you scoring at home, is 2150.

[Jakeman]

excellent! keep 'em coming homer. ... err i mean if you stay alive you dont write these... ummm.. i dont know what to do with me hands right now... oh well look at the time... got to go.. to do something.. thats not around here... in this direct area..