Homer's Penultimate Death? Please Help!

[chuxton]

Homer’s Penultimate Death?

The death itself was pretty routine, if not downright repetitive. As I suggested I would in Obituary 2152, I returned to the Desert of Compassion yesterday and was killed in a manner remarkably similar to that of the day before. Repetition of the same mistakes, after all, is what inspires record-breaking performances.
The aftermath, however, has not been routine. After years of excellent relations with the Healer’s Guild, I now find myself seriously at odds with that institution and under an administratively-imposed DNR order.
I surely do not have to tell any citizen of Brittania that places like the Desert of Compassion are frustrating and stressful work environments. At times, you spend huge amounts of time and money with little to show for even the best performance. I hope you’ll agree that getting killed in any circumstances is also a frustrating experience. So the summary is that when I was resurrected in Britain yesterday, I came back into the world already in a cranky mood. It was the perfect environment for a misunderstanding in communication.
Now, I’ve known Macer for a long time. In fact, I've known him my whole life many times. He can be a bit tiresome with that dry wit of his and he isn’t the friendliest guy when you run into him at the pub, but I like the guy. Heck, I was his daughter’s coach when she earned her cartography merit badge. But when he said what he did . . . well, I just snapped a little. True, the Guild has since explained that all healers say the same thing when they perform their duties. It’s kind of a CYA legal thing that disavows the Guild of responsibility for anything a resurrectee might do after being medically helped. I’m sure that is true and that I have heard the words thousands of times. That said, the fact is that I never heard the actual words before. You know how it is when you first wake up—conversation is just noise. But yesterday, I heard the words and I thought Macer was just smarting off. You have to admit “Compassion heals all” was not exactly the right thing to say to me in that moment.
I didn’t hit him hard, at all. It was more of a push, really. However, it appears that the guild understandably has a “no tolerance” policy on physical violence and once Macer filed a complaint (in spite of my repeated apologies), they had no choice but to file a temporary “Do Not Resurrect” order. To make matter’s worse, when they were announcing the action, Penn-Hedley III happened to be in the Guild Headquarters rummaging through the lost and found for some missing journal. He overheard and immediately appointed himself my legal representative and I was not present to contradict him. He immediately declared that I was innocent by reason of insanity and that I had suffered a flashback as a result of a medical condition stemming from my Ophidian War military service. Furthermore, he announced “we” were suing the Guild for 10 million gp$ under the Queen’s Disability Act.
I’m doing everything I can to smooth things over, but as of now, I cannot avail myself of any of Brittania’s professional healing services. I have to be very careful, something for which I’m not well known. If anyone has some influence or feels inspired to help, please write or post a notice to the Guild in my support. In the meantime, I will have to rely on the Shrines (the Guild has no control over them) and the kindness of other citizens for my medical care in the case of mortal emergency.
The death and resurrection, by the way, was number 2153. This could be the last obituary.

[chuxton]

Dr. Quincy Boyden
President Britannia Brotherhood of Healthcare and Vampire Grocery Workers (BBHVGW)
Britain Free Clinic

Yer Learned Hindness,

I have known 'Omer Oldham fer a longish time and 'e's a good bloke. Yer git ta know a feller when you 'ave to spend as much time wit' 'Im as I did with 'Omer on Buc's Den. I know, yer did not much like us gitting all of those 'Ealers kilt there, neither, but thet is water under some very dangerous bridges over there. I've 'elped 'Omer save 'is stuff lotsa times after he was kilt, an' e's always 'ad only the best to say about the 'Ealers. Is there a better rep-ree-sin-tee-tive example of the 'ealing skills of yer members in all of Brittania? I 'ope you reconsider yer dee-cree agin 'im. As you sit there at yer desk readin' this, I am watchin' you consider. In fact, I'm probably somewhere in the room. Yer never know. Think on it.

Smudge
General Dee-livery the Nearest Shadow

[chuxton]

My Good Dr. Boyden,

Do you mean to tell me that you chaps would actually consider depriving Britannia of one of her great military heroes in the middle of a grave external threat to the realm? Even now, the Eepee hoards are sweeping toward our land and every able-bodied Brit is manning the walls to preserve our way of life. But the healers are focused instead on petty incidents and coddling of the sensitivities of those who have never fired an arrow or taken a troll whack in the name of the Queen. Where is your patriotism? Where is your love of Queen and country? We will need Oldham and men like him to stand between us and the Menace from the East. We may call upon him to lay down his life to defend us. More than once. Over and over and over, perhaps.
It has come to our attention that there may be East Pole sympatizers within the ranks of some of our most valued and critical national institutions. We are forced to consider the possibility that certain elements are deliberately undermining the national security. I must insist on a full investigation.

Penn-Hedley III
President, The Committee of Loyalty and National Security

[chuxton]

Dearest Dr. Boyden,

First, let me say that I think it is reallyreally SUPER that we have peeps like the Healer Guild that actually care that their employees are treated with respect. Too often, "heroes" like Homer Oldguy are treated like some sacred cows who are too good for the rules. Besides, there are plenty of other important people, like Dr Pinkwater- or yourself even- who do not get the recognition they deserve because it's like "Homer Oldham did this" and "Homer Oldham built that" and "Homer Oldham Memorial whatsit." Perhaps it is time that the reealllly olderham generation well-- moves along, like. Not that I do not respect everything they did back when it was, like, oldtimey and stuff. I'm not alone in this. I talked to Dr. Pinkwater about it and he mumbled in a very agreeable tone. You just stick to your guns (or bone saws or whatever you stick to)(EWE!).

(for Dr Pinkwater)
Tiffany

[chuxton]

All be Advised:

I am pleased to announce that I (with the help of Brother Brown) have negotiated an arrangement between Homer Oldham and the Healer's Guild that will include rescindment of the DNR order. As a condition of this agreement, Mr. Oldham will attend my next anger management course, which will held in Britain on Thursday evenings beginning next month. Let me say that the inclusion of that condition doesn't mean I think Homer is in need of such counselling. In my personal opinion, he is one of the most calm and deliberate folks in a crisis I have met. On the other hand, attending my seminar can be of benefit to anyone and it couldn't hurt. I commend Dr Boyden and Mr Oldham on their reasonable deliberation and on reaching a prompt resolution.

Ajax Mayflower
Brother Brown, Empath Abbey

[michella]

Thank goodness this has been resolved!

[Jakeman]

Raban: "well now, I just finished testing and perfecting my 8th circle spells and my greater necrotic chants.. Maybe that holy man just needed a little convincing... I love watching them get all upset when they hear the words of the "dark magic".... Nox hahahaha *evil laugh*