Penn-Hedley III- Return of the Hero of the Realm

[chuxton]

Press Release:
(suggested banner headlines)
GREAT EXPORER’S TRIUMPHANT RETURN!
EAST POLE DISCOVERED AT LAST!
PENN-HEDLEY III AVAILABLE FOR PARADES AND INTERVIEWS!

By Penn-Hedley III (himself in his own hand)
Indeed, the land of Britannia slept a bit easier last night. Well, perhaps except for Vesper where they sleep- or whatever it is vampires do- mostly during the day (Editors: omit this digression at your discretion). Yes, the realm had reason to feel more secure, knowing that it’s most distinguished military (and academic, scientific and moral) leader is once again is in Fellowship Hall and watching over the common folk and the land.
Moreover, he has returned triumphant. Most readers will know that much of the early fame thrust upon Penn-Hedley III against his humble protests arose due to his determined efforts to be the first to discover the East Pole. It was that great crusade which brought the great man to Britannia originally. By Jove, you can fire your cannon (if you have one) and toss your hat into the air (which you are more likely to have handy). During his absence from our lands in recent years, the immensely remarkable Penn Hedley renewed his search and, indeed discovered that very sought-after destination.
Asked about how he at last succeeded in attaining the elusive goal, The Great Gentleman graciously replied, “Hmph”. “It was quite simple, really,” he continued. “I simply set off to the South so as to sneak up behind it and take it by surprise. The Old Brigadier used to call that an ‘obliqum invaladem’ (it was difficult to understand His Lordship because he always had that bloody pipe in his mouth). At any rate, I arrived somewhere that turned out to be someplace else and so proceeded in another direction.”
Naturally, once he discovered the new land, Penn-Hedley claimed the entire region in the name of the Queen of Britannia. Some of the residents, we are given to understand, inexplicably resisted being discovered and claimed. The great explorer was forced to resort to the threat of force in Her Majesty’s name in order to retain order, but feels confident that the Queen will retroactively bestow him with the authority to act in her behalf. As Acting Queen’s Governor of Pennhedlia (a mere temporary but highly euphonic unofficial designation), Penn-Hedley advised the local leaders in the conduct of their affairs is accordance with the Bargain of Colonialism (which is, of course, that the colonializee gets to adopt a new culture in place of their own and the colonializer gets all of their stuff and tells them what to do). The top local leader, at some point, generously offered to allow Penn-Hedley to return home, where he no doubt “had many important affairs to attend to and other people to ‘proq.’” This last term is in the local language and, for anatomical reasons, resists translation. Naturally, Penn-Hedley refused to quit his post as duly-appointed-and-eventually-to-be-ratified representative of the Queen. At that point, everything went black as the Governor was rendered unconscious by a cowardly assault from behind.
When he awoke, Penn-Hedley found himself tied up in a dungeon, surrounded by hostile creatures. In courageous deviance and amazing presence of mind, he managed to hop through a nearby magic teleport device to another, pleasantly lonelier dungeon. To his surprise (and counter all previous experience) Penn-Hedley suddenly knew where he was- one of the dungeons of Britannia herself! From there, it was a mere few months of wandering until the Great Explorer made his way back to Britain.
However, Penn-Hedley III returned with ominous news. Stuffed inside his dapper yellow hat he discovered a Declaration of Independence and War from the East Pole against Britannia. Not only loss of the Colony of Pennhedlia, but invasion of the Britannia homeland is imminent! We must prepare and mobilize. Perhaps some time was bought by the quick-thinking Penn-Hedley who, when questioned about the location of Britannia, always supplied somewhat vague and inconsistent information. But the great Retired Queen’s Governor will begin efforts to raise his regiment again and begin training them for service in defense of the realm.
It must be said that the triumphant adventures of Penn-Hedley have not been greeted without skepticism. There are those who still doubt the existence of the East Pole and the fact of Penn-Hedley’s discovery of those lands, in spite of absolute documented proof that the explorer brought back with him. That proof is found the Penn-Hedley’s private journal, which has been somehow temporarily misplaced. It is in a leather-bound cover slightly singed with hellfire of some kind. Return it to Fellowship Hall if found, for a generous (60gp?) reward.

AVATAR NOTE: When PH3 was first logged in after the long "outage" he was, if fact in the middle of a very nasty mob in an unknown dungeon. His escape in one piece was pure typical PH3 dumb luck.

[michella]

*Curtsies to Penn-Hedley* Ahh the Governor is back! When does the expidition to find the West Pole start??

[chuxton]

Capital! An excellent question! I must invite you to my next educational lecture. My first impulse was to immediately launch myself into the race to the West. However, we must first deal with this external threat from the "Eepees." When we get ready to discover the West pole, we will do so with a very long new list of places it is not (if I can figure out where I put my dashed journal, that is). In the meantime, we must be vigient. Watch to the East (points southwest, then north). Hrmph- but look out, they may come from the East on any side!

Acting Brigadier and Queen's Commander of the Army to Defend Against the East (Royal approval pending)
Penn-Hedley III