Homer: #2155: A Little Murder Between Old Friends

[chuxton]

Well, death #2155 can be discussed using four words that I notice are becoming more and more common around Brittania: It was Penn-Hedley's fault. This time the great explorer failed to recognize that there is a difference between "Ophidian Mage" and Ophidian Magi" and committed himself with the Adventurers guild to kill a whole bunch of the latter. It isn't that Ophidian Magis are so tough: it's that they are a small minority within the Ophidian population and you have to kill and hack your way through a whole lot of snakeskins to collect a bowling bag full of Magi heads.
Okay, I can't blame it all on PHIII. I could have said "no" when he asked for my help in filling his quota. It also wasn't Penn-Hedley that caused me to forget to count my greater healing potions before entering Destard or forced me to dawdle too long in a scaly crowd and get myself frozen for an avenger. After all, its me who is supposed to be the greatest living expert on fighting Ophidians. Fortunately, Smudge is no better than I am at saying "no" and he went in to retrieve my stuff from the looter vipers. Of course, I have to blame the Ophidians at least a little bit for killing me, so I stuck around and got PHII his Magis- although I had to get the last couple of them out around Cove. It was kinda nostalgic, seeing my old enemies. I even sit down for a beer sometimes with the warriors (not a good idea with the poisonous ones). We talk about the old days of the war so many skin-sheddings ago. Sigh. Did I ever tell you about how I killed the Ophidian Queen?

[chuxton]

O! M! G! Can you heed what you are tweeting? That is EXACTLY what I have been talking about. You have this GREAT opportunity pop up by someone dying and you don't consider me or Dr. Pinkwater AT ALL. That is so MEAN and so RUUUUDE! Why automatically send SMUDGE for your stuff? Tell me, when you got it back did you count all of the reagents? I'm just saying what is on the public record.
Look, if you call them Mages or Magis or Mojos, they are spellcasters, right? So why not send one of the the most highly qualified mages in Britannia to take them on? And I DON"T mean Mr. "have-it-both-ways-but-I'm-still-dead" Oldham. Dr. Pinkwater would just L-U-V to get a shot at those Ophidian birthday-party-magicians. He could kill a few executioners and deathguards while he was at it. Do you realize how many prestige- i mean "virtue" points those matriach hussies are worth?
Oh, you remember Dr. Pinkwater well enough when you need a new Obsidian Oliphant or you porcelain sheep is chipped. What if you HAD checked your greater healing potions, but the cupboard was bare? You expect Dr. Pinkwater's sense of adventure is satisfied with a little crafting out at the Hall? Do you realize what that place is like for an executive administrative assistant. I don't know which is worse- that IRR-itating tinkle of glassmaking or that DISgusting gurgle of potion-making. I had to get one of those sound-cancelling headphones from the gnome catalog to hear my tunes!
From now on, it is no glory, no potions, mana stones, constructs, steeds, etc. etc. etc. If the adventuring doesn't pick up around here, Dr. Pinkwater and I may just have to think about going public. Why, the craft skills of the whole FH gang just go to waste anyway. Why, if I used half of my marketing... hmmm. OMG what a CONcept!
ANYhoo, while I am going to look over the books, Dr. Pinkwater and I DEMAND you give him more opportunities to get famous and killed and stuff.

Tiffany

[chuxton]

*mumble*
"deathguards?"
*mumble?*

Pinkwater