Homer's Cemetary
Ahem.
Thanks to Sheriff Sebastian for that flattering introduction. Isn't this a gloriously beautiful day for a picnic (except for the chain lighting for you folks over by the reaper)?
Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking , I feel I must say a few words to acknowledge the sigular honor this community has decided to bestow upon me- but first a couple of public service announcements. We want to thank all of the folks who brought food for letting us sample your recipes (Ogre Lord in the front row belches loudly), but you may want to pay a bit of attention to what you eat- especially the large variety of dishes Pinkwater has circulated. Specifically, you may want to note that the "stuffed olives" and "pickled eggs" are not at all what they appear to be. (Ogre Lord lurches to his feet and staggers wide-eyed back toward the porta-potties set up next to the central crypt.)
You cannot imagine the surge of pride I felt when I first spotted that sign "Homer Oldham Memorial Cemetary" out by the gate. (Having difficulty speaking) I... just... can't... (sob) get over... the depth of loyal (choke) friendship. (pauses a moment to compose himself).
Sure, it is true that I own and occupy 71% of the plots in this yard (sarcastic mumbling among the skelaton groundskeeping crew), but the percentage is even higher at the Yew Cemetary and nearly as high in Cove and Vesper (especially since many Vesper Cemetary residents have unexpectedly moved back to town). Yet it was you, the fine people (and etc) of Britain, who have elected to accord me this great honor. I thank you all deeply and sincerely.
Finally, you all may have noticed that we hauled in a lot more ale than we could all possibly drink today. (a troll off to the right, about to take a drink from his personal flask, puts it away and instead staggers toward the mountain of ale-kegs).
Never fear. Whatever is left over this evening will be served at my funerals all next week!
(the only round of applause)
